//caught in your grace//

Take me as I am
Into Your nail scarred hands
And when I run so far away
You always call me back again
Into Your open arms
No matter what I've done
Amazing grace has found me here
Because of what You've done I'm free

You took the weight of the world on Your shoulders
You did it all for me

-WeightOfTheWorld

On a similarseparate note, I think I will get WillieWorshipWithdrawals (WWW!) when I leave Melbourne in another 68 days! (And 88 days to theGREATbritain!)

Very happy reading theappleofmyeye write about her time in Canada! She's been there for only 1 monthish and she has led someone to Christ already! And how she has met a closegirlfriend there and they meetup regularly to prayandpraise! Compared to when she first arrived in Canada feeling absolutely foreign, I'm totally relieved now! How Great is Our God (: Its funny giggling over how we both desire to see snow because we have never! (Now she has!!) It is all very comforting for me whos perpetually worried these days about what is to come of me when I'm at theGREATbritain next year. The whole falling away and losing passion issues ring at my ears so very often because I know its all about Choices.

God's Sovereignty, Man's Responsibility.

And I was also thinking the other night how our friendship is actually comparatively short but how intense it has been and I wonder how did we come so far and how it will be like missing (impulsive dating with) you when I go and how you will be in the years to come (fighting ridiculous boys yourself until you take your pick he he) and how will it hurt (or will we even bother) looking back years downtheroad and seeing it thinning and then evaporate and thinking to ourselves in a distance of a shout, 'it was once good'.

I'm a bigtimepessimist of friendsforever simply because fartoomany has come and gone and then I question, whats the point? I've just grown wary and weary about meeting new people and did for a period resisted handing out invitation into my life. I don't think anyone will understand how I (have the unwonted ability to) build very "intense" friendships with people even over a veryshortperiod and how people have been hurt before just because wewereonceclose. Have I left people behind or have I simply moved ahead of life before people did? There is a difference. I've been trying to understand do people displace people or do people take up permanent residencies in different parts or layers of my heart?

Byebye IrytaytynIE!
Hello FabFirefox!

After crashing my laptop, IE is in the process of crashing my desktop!! I've backed up all the important documents and programs, just keeping my fingers crossed that nothing tootraumatising will occur from now until the sixteenth november which is the last day of my exams! Speaking of which, I was so looking forward to the end of this semester that I forgot to savourTHEmoment during my final EVER (?) lecture at Melbourne Uni on Thursday. WhatAShame!

I'm ridiculously tired..! But I went Techshopping at Myers yesterday and got myself a 108Mbps wireless card at a superslashdown $45! Techshopping makes me happy (: I've (re)done up my laptop which is making me very please. I'm thinking of reverting to using Eudora as my default email server (I've never liked Outlook very much) but Geemail is perhaps the neatest email server the cyberspace ever had. I was acquainted with Eudora since I was thirteen and had my first "professional" email account with Pacnet!

I remember it was jan.uary@pacific.net.sg and then when I decided that I was too young to be professional I signed up for january1@hotmail.com and later jan@coldmail.com because I like to be different. But Coldmail server's was rather meek and Hotmail was annoying with its very limited storage space so came januarieee@yahoo.com.au (I remember I dig the 'au' part ha ha) until the birth of Geemail! Gmail notifier is just about the smartest invention for an email server! I've also decided since last year to change emails annually - I think I like to be off-your-radar slash hard-to-reach and I admit I can be selective and dao (since birth) - 2005 had isetstandards@gmail.com and vintageplay@gmail.com this year. I've already thought of 2007's which I will announce it at the turn of the new year! New email to start the new year, sweet!

I've never liked my Melb Uni email which is quite unfortunate. It just doesn't look very pretty -- j.lin10@ugrad.unimelb.edu.au -- which matters to yours truly who is an individual high on aesthetics! Now that I'm working at Swinburne, I'm assigned a Swinny account which I think I prefer way more than my Melb account. Maybe its because it doesn't have the annoying looking "ugrad" as I ain't a student at Swinny! Yep, feel free to email me at jalin@swin.edu.au!

Adjusting to the "academic staff" profile hasn't been as hard as I had imagined! Academics are generally nice people though at times quirky and are totally opinionated individuals! (Male academics are mostly chauvinistic too!) I think the last debate in the staff room was regarding the Japanese Biz Institutions vs the Americans...and the speculation of the rise of the Chinese. I was "invited" to participate in it because they wanted an "Asian" opinion! Ha ha! Thankfully I could deploy my very limited knowledge on Asian business which were only accumulated over this semester credit to that very comprehensive, though demanding, JapaneseBiz subject. Speaking of which, we received our grades for the tutorial and presentations yesterday which I thought I would have earned myself a miserablemark with all my slipshod presentations! But it wasn't bad after all, though my first presentation was the lowest of the class, my 2nd presentation was the highest *wideeyesurprise*

I think I'm someone who performs best slash to my potential under pressure and intense workload. I had all the time in the world to prep for my first presentation and it turned out quite crabby while the 2nd one, which was due the week right after AUG, I whipped an ace despite an uberlastminute prep just the night before! One thing I definitely took home from this subject, despite my grievance against the unrealistic workload, is that Less is More, especially in corporate context. To keep up with the FullTimeWorkload, I've to learn to type shorter emails, shorter txt messages and the like. And I'm now faced with the uninviting need to prioritise -- priorities is something that I've avoided for perhaps as long as I've lived -- talking to my airstewardess good friend Linds last week when she was down in Melbourne, convinced me that with a packedlikesardines FullTime work load, you have to be inevitably selective about who and what to give your time to.

And I think the need to prioritise was quintessentially what that had traumatised me about the whole stepping into FullTime workforce. Efficiency is no longer about doing as much as you can within however a limited timeframe. Rather, it is about selection in order of importance slash significance and doing OneThingAtATime in ensuring that QUALITY is not compromise. In retrospect, I guess that was hard for a green twenty year old - when everything appeared equally important and inviting and you just don't want to miss out on any of it. Perhaps prioritising needs to be learnt and to be learnt with age and experience. A year on, though I still often fall into the entrapment of wanting to DoItAll, but the awareness of what I like and value and more importantly what I dislike and disregard, it is now easier to say No and be selective about where to invest my time and not feel like I'm the biggestbiatch in the world when I choose one over the other, ha ha!

With this whole self-awareness thing though, I'm beginning to feel that I wouldn't want to blindly mass send resumes because there is quintessentially only one career and two places that I can envision myself launching a career at and am increasingly (and realistically) passionate about. Then I wonder if I would be too ambitious to apply to only these two places, reinterating the fact that they are arguably the two most reputable management consulting firms and I'm not the most brilliant slash outstanding student on my campus! (My heart is actually set on one, but I'm applying the other because of the whole counter-offer-theory) As much as I've experienced onetoomany employment miracles in my life from internships to studentships and my honest assessment that there was always an almost irreconcilable gap between the "ideal candidate" and with what I believe I have and can offer (or don't and can't!) I've learnt especially in this year that when He lavishes His favour and grace upon you, its just not about you at all. So, where do you draw the line of being realistic - and - of being totally FaithFull in the promise that as I delight in Him, He will meet the desires of my heart?

...there is inherently no difference whether you catch four hours of sleep or eight hours! No matter how much rest you have the previous night, there is no escape the caffeine-fix!!

...your (poor) feet turn blueblack and infested with blisters no thanks to those heels you have to click in the name of professionalism! (I'm going to take my feet to the doctor this Thurs/Fri aka shoe shopping at MyersPrivateSale!)

...you age ALOT faster unless you can afford to buy makeup with anti-ageing ingredients, otherwise, makeup causes your skin to wrinkleANDcrinkle at a horrifying expotential rate! (And no you cannot turn up at your office in your naked face!)

With the exams coming up, I'm just perpetually TIRED and SORE these days! Take comfort its probably my last SERIOUS exams EVER! I've no idea how to get down to typingmyessays when the last thing I want to come into contact with, when I get home from my nineTOfives, is having to employ my brain to work on my essays and ROTE memorise for the exams.

4 evilessays, 3 nineTOfive weeks to 2 evilexams, 1 GreatGod -- alright jan,

PSYCH UP!!

Such a pity LisaMitchell got voted off Idol tonight! ): She's one of my two favourites (the other being Jessica whom I'm piping to win it!) Lisa reminds me of MichelleBranch and she sounds very much like VanessaCarlton (and she did sing 1000 miles unsurprisingly). As I was growing up (and I still am growing!) I've always wanted to look like the MichelleBranch slash LisaMitchell type..! ha ha! The exoticsexylook with shades of 'innocence' so as to NOT appear like a goth! Because I classify girls who look like that 'highly convenient' in terms of style. Heh. I mean, this 'look' banks on an unconventional charisma to appeal and its totally not about dressing up! A simple top and jeans will pull it off (and they naturally exude this forever youthful radiance too!) To be honest, every now and then, I find dressing up very troublesome! (I admire people like mel jie, who has the energy, passion and good taste to dress up!) I would very much prefer this 'look' vis-a-vis the conventional glamorousclassy 'look' which I never hope to and don't think I will evolve into because its just too much effort to maintain - not just monetarily but also the energy to! Oh dear I have no idea how I'm to assimilate into the 'corporate world' at this rate..! PLUS I rarely find clothes that I really like!

LisaMitchell!

Sigh, sometimes, you just know when a guy is trying to impress you. It upsets me because he is supposedly a MOG so I have to try very hard to not cast any judgment of that sort..? And while I can understand why he may be in this 'mode' but still, it inevitably makes me runandhide every Sunday or worse, gets me into my eyeballrollingmode whenever he...sigh (Ha ha it reminds me of what SarahKoh told us about how she takes her bible to "fend" off the guy who was semisorta harressing her, she is so funny!) Too bad my bible ain't big enough, ha! This guy is quite beeeg too! Ohwell, I'm just glad that I'll be leaving Melbourne (and thissillything!) in just ten weeks!

Maybe I should ask my mum what I should do, ha ha! She would probably come up with some hilarious ideas.. My mum is totally hilarious and can be totally skeptical about relationships between two people of 'immature-age-for-marriage'. Though she may consider this guy is of an arguably 'mature age' but her daughter is not! I remember she found it quite bizarre when I was going out with my then-boyfriend even though we were already eighteen?! Every time my little bro brought it up back then, for instance he will go, 'jie jie's boyfriend...' and my mum will immediately correct my little bro by saying, 'jie jie's FRIEND' which often left my little bro ververyconfused! Ha ha. We've been intensively and extensively emailing of late which has been very fun because my mum is very entertaining! (:

I will be part of the assessing panel running tomorrow's group interview for the next batch of interns at PDI, exciting stuff! A few of my friends would be coming for the interview, including my high school friend, Faith! I hope it won't be too weird for them! The female consultants at PDI have very nice names - there is Anthea (we call her 'Ant', I dig that!), Tilly, LeAnn, Rearn, Dominque ('Dom'!) - and I've always found my supervisor's name really cool - Lucy.Lake! Thats because I've always had something for alliteration in a name, heh.

I miss the earthquake last night, where I live would have felt it! Or if we had left Brighton later (I was having yummy dinner with the badmie people at Brighton!) but by tenthirty, I was already with Ji at the bar at Franklin's watching the uberunfortunate game which left me very depressed and sulkingly hit the sacks immediately upon getting home just past midnight. We were so very confused with Benitez tactics last night, Garcia-Kuyt?! And thats just the start of an entire night of errors? Its nearly 1/3 through the season and we are sitting at 11th! Ohmytian! It is not good, not good at all ):

94 days!

It was rather bittersweet I thought; tonight's OCF meeting was the best meeting I've ever had in my (pseudo-)three years at OCF and it could be very well my last meeting too. It has been such a privilege being an OCFer despite trying seasons but there was the fair share of lifechanging moments too, there is a balance in everything. I say with an unwavering conviction that 2007 would be an extraordinary year for OCF so much so that the thought of just being around to SEE what exactly is to be make of my conviction was quite nearly one of the main factors tempting me to postpone my greatBRITAINdream. Just look at how sensational Frances was tonight! It has really been for me this: you can take a girl out of OCF but you cannot take OCF out of a girl!

There is a time for everything.

Its funny how I'm still grappling with the seasonal change that led to a shift in commitment (to Church) early this year butbut, I'm veryexcited for thebestfriend!! I don't know how its going to all work out but I know I want to continually support her and treat the (unique) distance just like that of a shout, right? Ahh its no wonder this has been a year where the HS has been extensively fine-tuning our spiritual frequency with each other, teehee! I'm all FOR the ministries at OCF; I have no idea how can one just totally cut oneself away from OCF upon graduation and moving into the workforce, how do people just let go like that? Seeing then-OCFers visiting OCF makes me happy. People like JensenMa, SarahKoh and my Bbm pouring out their undying passion for their service to OCF (which is the outflow of their passion for God) encourages and challenges me: I don't want my time at OCF to be simply kept away into a memory chest left unopened to only be revisited when my grandkids demand for a bedtime tale.

And my heart ached a little saying goodbye to Graeme (yes its farewell for me-to-him) though we candidly joke about bumping into each other along the streets of London comewhatmay, heh. And his parting words for me were these - 'you have grown up a lot, haven't you?' - it blew me away again and this time from a man I hold utmost respect for and I can't help but question how can someone whom I've not met for about a year, tell? At this rate, I just don't think I will ever be able to phantom who thegirl was. But then again, maybe, I don't always have to know who she was to know who she has become as long as I know that she has now been given wings, and it is time to spread them out and fly (((:

96 days.

No matter how far you travel or how much you run,
can you really run away from your past?
I could either drive in and let someone
tell me about the mistakes of my past or,
drive on to sort it out myself.

-sexandthecity

we are so over,
we need a new word for over.

*

There's something about secondsemesters that I don't like, I've had two awesome firstsemesters and I've not thoroughly enjoyed any of my secondsemesters which is sad. I might have enjoyed this semester a little bit more if I had chosen my subjects earlier instead of enrolling into most of my subjects late due to my insidiousindecisiveness and perilousprocrastination. I think alot of it has to do with my excitement level and failure to employ a strategy to pace myself to November?? I'm just looking forward for this semester to be OVER and then its firstsemester again! But its Nott's secondsemester though?

It feels so right. It keeps coming back to me (though unexpectedly so) that my time there will be a kairos momentperiodseason (:

Precious people are gathering in EU next year! I have just learnt that:

-mybelovedCeleste will be studying in Belgium next sem and her theotherhalf will be in Poland!

-sweetheartKimmie mei has just started med school at Sheffield this Sem! We'll be only an hour away from each other!

-theotherbelovedCandice is in her final Law sem at King's London! (And she's at OCF London, after hearing so much about them from Graeme, won't it be nice to see them in action!)

-Leslieyeo has just started engin school at France! BigNews!

I was telling Celest that we (me, her and Candice) should go to Athens together to fufil our very belated-Olympics trip! Just short of Ang, Lacresh and Stace I think. Now and again, it brings a smile to my face whenever I get sweetly reminded of the high school days where we'd take turns to skip school to stay religious to the 2000 Olympics in Sydney! We were a ridiculous bunch back in SC! It would be ohsolovely to have my girlfriends gather in EU and indulge in fourfive reminisce!

And my mum has given me her full support on going too, she was bemused by how long I took to decide on this matter, I quote her "why you think so much"?! Ha ha Well, my mum while she is a very capable entrepreneur, she is also a very simple person (:

Would be nice to be able to look for kor at Washington after Europing and later stroll down TimesSquare and Sweet(Silicon)Valley my favourite christianchiclit author Billerbeck writes so much about *wistfulsmiles*

The apple of my eye rang me from Canada this week BUTbutBUT I was at work! ): Iwanttotalktoyouuuusoon!

My airstewardess good friend Linds is flying into Melb this weekend! We'll have a thresome meetup with Mel jie! The three generations of SCBadmintonTeam!

The highlight of the week has to be going for a musical date with thebestfriend to "Beauty and the Beast" (she can literally recite the lyrics of the songs!) was sheer indulgence during this highstress evilexams period. Oh how we heart theatre!

sexandthecity is on tonight!

ohsotireddd, I need a good theapeutic sleep tonight (: Essay weekend coming up.

*

And the girl asks, 'who/what will you miss most in Melbourne'

'I don't know!' was her enthusiastic reply even though.

Even though, she already had the answer locked in her heart semisortapainfully of late and she was wondering at that moment if she would be too bashful to tell the girl..its her! (:

Enough of sillyheadspinning due to my horrible indecisiveness.

I AM GOING!

((((((((((((((((((:

Bye-bye Melbourne in just twoandahalfmonths, how unreal!
Countdown 100 days til my date with Heathrow (ithinkiwillcryoutofdisbelief)!!

Tralalaa.

And I like blueballpointpens!

We had lunch at the Korean place on Victoria St which is always yum though rather pricey! I think I still prefer the Korean place on Glenferrie Road - I'm so blessed to be working at Swinburne which is just next to Glenferrie Road (!!) I'm always off hunting for goodeatouts and delicious hotchocs and coffees in that area! I'm currently addicted to the Korean tofu broth Hotpot! Tofu can easily become my favourite food (NOT because I'm health or weight conscious -- I'm so NOT ha ha) Eggs and Mushrooms (and potatoes) would be my other favourite food! There is little wonder why I can order breakkie for dinner! (I did that again at AUG and a couple of them were petrified!) As much as I'm a meat-lover, its not hard for me being a vegetarian too I suppose. Anyhoo, eggs always remind me of my late-grandpa who makes the BEST 1/2boiledeggs with soysauce and pepper! Those you find in kopitiams. I love my grandpa's breakkie - maybe cos I grew up having them - his teh has the smoooooothest texture. You know, I really hope I will marry a man as good as my grandfather (:

I've been checking this page religiously for months for my exchange application status update and after a series of divine interventions and just the long agonising wait, this is it!

But I guess, it keeps getting to me that I ain't just leaving downunder after fourfrighteningyears(!) but also committing the (in)deliberate act of leaving people that matter and more importantly...souls behind. Its rather unsettling, I know because I have had. I really don't like decision making!

When God is about to do something great, he starts with a difficulty. When he is about to do something truly magnificent, he starts with an impossibility.
- Armin Gesswein

So she asked me, 'Is there even a need (for a non-believer) to feel left out (when with a group of believers)?' I was glad to learn that one of our common friend has been inviting her to a YA lifegroup in CitylifeKnox which our common friend is cell leading! But she then raised the question which did silent me a splitsecond. 'It is hard not to feel left out' she said and I do not disagree. Fellowship of the believers inevitably works better for those who are in need of a human touch. But for those who are emotionally stable with a positive appraisal of self, the fellowship of believers will appeal less to them because unless s/he chooses to subscribe to the practice of believers, s/he will inevitably feel like the odd one out albeit recognising they are niceandfriendly people.

I've concluded, it is more important to bring people into your life and not merely into your fellowshipoffriends and so I'm increasingly convinced that we need to constantly challenge ourselves to step out of our comfort zone of fellowship into the world because that is where the harvest is. Sometimes we get too obsessed about 'bringing people' and forget that the commandment is to GO and MAKE - which tells us that we have the ability to MAKE disciples whereever people are, for He goes WITH us! I was at one stage as an ocfer angry at ocf for robbing my time and ability to be with peopleintheworld - which I've since learnt is wrong to think that because it is fundamentally a choice, my choice.

It is very disturbing to know so many - youknowwhoyouare - become disconnected from the world the moment you found your comfortable place in the fellowship of believers. Comfort zone is yuck, it kills the fundamental purpose of the importance of fellowship which Hebrews concisely highlighted. Fellowship is our secure base that gives us the security to step out and reach the marginalised and just thepeopleintheworld. And fellowship should be rid of judgment - how can it be a secure base if one is constantly being judged and worse falsely accused and thus misunderstood? I do hope that as people preach RomansTwelve they will also emphasise the distinction between being IN the world and OF the world.

No liverpool games tonight, but there was Australia 1-1 Paraguay; its actually quite like a black comedy watching how the scoreline was levelled, oops!

KennyDalglish has just been ranked the most influential player ever in Liverpool with StevieG coming in second! I've always secretly wished that I was soccer-literate at the time of the Dalglish-Rushie partnership era, it must have been sosupersensational soaking in the goals galore! But I was only at most five then! By the time I was soccer-literate at nine, it was already stancollymore leading the strikeforce and it was the midfielders that ruled the pitch! I just realised I currently qualify to say that I've been supporting Liverpool for more than halfMYlife! (Ha ha cheapthrill.) DanielAgger is my latest favourite! I dare place a wager on him being the next young sensation even as a defender! I was tickled to learn from his club profile that he is borne on 12 December, ifyougetit! Ho-hum, Liverpool is the only team that can give you the zazazsu (:

Carrie: Is there a contest?

Samantha: There is always a contest with the ex.

I think I am competition-friendly though! Whoever thenewgirl is or is to be, she really shouldn't bother..! And there are times my head still spins of shades of you, whether you still come to this space even as I don't write about you anymore and just, what did that summer do to us? I will always remember you were the first who wisely taught me to go with my heart and not my head. Perhaps you will never know how many times I have had my mind yelling how angry I was (of thegirlofthepast) but my heart.

My heart, was just (and still is) captivatedandcobblered by theloverofmysoul.

She has been thinking about her grandpa alot of late and everytime she does, her heart curlsintoaknot and sinks into her stomach like the lachrymose falling star. She doesn't want to think that her heart aches from missing him because already the heart is a lonely hunter. It is 3 months after she has been (temporarily) separated from the man who has loved her mostest and she still gets baffled by how, she did not drop a tear when the casket vanished from her sight reducing to ashes that stole the colour of the sky that day. It can only be the joy of the Lord and surrounded by the sounds of sweet rejoicing in heaven, for here is another soul won over from the depths of burning furnace even (at the cost of) death is insignificant to spending eternity with You (:

This is the state yours truly is in! Evidently progressively semisortastressed with the hours ticking away...twomoreALLnighters, only! And I think I've written before how there is a positive correlation between mystresslevel and the number of entries in this space!

Fri

day

night spent typing away that research paper which is FINALLY making sense, you have no idea how near I was to marching into the Faculty office to withdraw from this subject altogether - it was that bad! Phew.

Andshenevergivesup.

"so tell me what made you a christian? I've always been very intrigued"

**

"you have changed..a lot"

"really? for the better or the worse?"

"well..."

"oh no. was I really that bad before?"

"put it this way, I don't know what has happened before but I'm glad that you're embracing life and have a better attitude towards it. So stay this way and whatever that has brought about this change, keep at it"

**

excerptsfromthelawyerandthedoct (:

Opportunities.

Oh TurtlesCanFly!

My housemate's pet turtle just did a kamikaze! She FLEW out of her tank which was on top of our fridge! I freaked Dave out completely when I rang him this evening hyperventilating as I was describing how frozen she looked huddled in one corner of the kitchen - actually, she freaked me out first when I found her! Mind you, the turtle is HUGE!!! So in my attempt to revive her, since Dave won't be home until 10ish, I braved lifting her up and put her into a bucket of water which was as much as I dared to lift her! I didn't have the courage to lift her all the way back up into her tank, I was totally paranoid that I would dropped her on the way back up, eeps! Dave's taking her to the vet tomorrow, I hope she's ok!!!

On vets or vet science students for that matter. I learnt that their passion for animals will lead to their instinctive nature of prioritising animals above humanbeings! In a conversation with a dear vet science friend quite recently, I asked him if a cat and yours truly were drowning, what will he do? And he chose to save the cat!!!! The irony of it all? His name is Hero! -.0

To do Honours or not?

My head weighs a ton! The curse of getting good grades and qualifying for Honours is having to make THE very decision itself. It's all about the prestige and supposed respectable standard and standing of the world today which are apparently really NOT good enough reasons to convince myself of the absolute necessity of doing an extra year of Honours. Unless I'm taking the Academic path, otherwise, I'm already very happy with what I've taken home from my three years of undergraduate study and that I'm quite content with my current level of intelligence, not skyhigh but sufficient to get me by my first years in theREALworld I believe! Man..so this question just kept haunting me (every other day of this year!) and it is very very annoying because it is constantly at the back of my head and very sadly it determines how much effort I want to put into a particular subject ie. if I need a particular subject to get me into Honours, then I will and have to prioritise it above another, which is what I don't like about the Honours system and about myself. Because I spend more time procrastinating (than getting down to do the work) about why I'm doing a particular subject that shouldn't be named because it is not directly related to my research interest but I'm doing it for the sake of the Honours (and career?) requirement and every now and then I just feel like totally abandoning the insane workload of this subject altogether and spend more time on my other subjects which my heart beats for!

Wouldn't it be nice to have a brain that functions more normally?

have I seen you before somewhere? he asked abruptly catching her by surprise.

I really don't think so.

say a couple of years ago when Ben was leading your team?

There's a teenyweenychance but I doubt you would have noticed that girl.

so...what do you study? ... oh thats what I'm researching about too! ... would you care to email me that article?

Is that a pick-up line or what? smooth. She heard the guy behind whispered.

You don't? Thats cool..hey, my team's calling for me, whats your name?

After twenty minutes, hello stranger.

I'm _______ (:

Funny you bothered introducing yourself, does anyone here not know you?

**

Five days on, she went home without leaving him her contacts and then she found herself sitting at the departure lounge,

waiting

for her phone to vibrate...in (absolute) vain.

**

Finding a guy aesthetically-pleasing doesn't (and will never) make him a potential. But in twenty minutes, I can pass a verdict. Experimented, there was this guy I met at C recently, attractivesmoothandallthat, in just twenty, it was very clear that he is the badforgirlslikeme type which - I'm not particularly fond of - albeit he is still the goodchristianboy type.

And then she met MrBig (seriously, it was so 'CarrieandMrBig'!) and an outoftheblue twenty that...was a moment her mind hasn't stop replaying, nice (:

Nope I'm not even a quarter through my industry analysis report that is (supposedly) due this Thursday but! By last night, I was bordering with raisingwhiteflag and wallow at my bad time management which was the direct consequence of the decision to go for AUG but then again, it was partially a God-decision to go for it too. Anyhoo, let me tell you why you should never skip a lecture even as datelines loom! With only two sleeps to submission day of a threethousandwords report, it is not surprising that today's lecture was as empty as a graveyard with only a sad six headcount! To be utterly honest, I contemplated not turning up for today's lecture as well - which the girlofthepast is an expert of anyway - but I eventually decided against it, well, the whole Christianity as a lifestyle thing really tests and nudges at one's integrity in every little area I tell you!

After lecture, W shouted out for an(other) extension the same way I did before the semester break! (Commerce students are fast learners I see!) All six of us were unanimous in agreeing with his petition of course! The lecturer then asked for our progress in this paper and it turned out that I'm lagging most badly in terms of the progress of this paper - everyone else had the entire two weeks to do it ok! Unless everyone was lying because when the lecturer asked if there was anyone who hadn't had a draft at this date, I was the sole soul who in all embarrassment sneaked my hand up, how tragic but I don't hide. Before I could even justify myself with the virtue of fact that I was away playing sport for uni and therefore, I was hit with a felloffthechair moment when the lecturer said YES and extended it to MONDAY for the six of us who bothered coming for his lecture today!!! PraiseGod! I now have the entire weekend to churn out a H1 piece (:

And the colour of my October Sky is faint-worthy..

Thank you googlecalendar. (Its quite pretty actually, click on the picture to enlarge, I'm into aesthetically-pleasing things) It nearly shattered me to know that the days I'm not working full-time, I've got either a presentation or a paper due. I'm working between 20to30 hoursPERweek this month on top of uni contact hours. And October is missions month at Citylife too. Until 3rd of Nov, exactly one month from today, its down to catchmeifyoucan. The days when I'm interning or training at PDI, I will be hustling and bustling in the city. The days when I'm R/A-ing with Prof Janice, I will be holed in my humble office space at Swinburne Uni (Hawthorn campus on GlenferrieRoad which has yummy food!) The days when I'm waitressing at Peko, I will be hiding-out with a good cuppa at South Melb. The days when I've got a presentation or a paper due for submission, I will be hibernating at Uni(OfMelb). The sundays when I'm involved with Church missions' month, I will be at HobsonsBay where Church is, with the night before dozing off to the hymn of crashing waves at MaMaJasmen's Port Melbourne home.

..til we meet again (in) Sweet November.

And the shuttle landed right at her racket face and the girl of yesterday would have countered a smash like this effortlessly but the girl today fed it into the net, meekly.

TwentyoneNineteenGameover.

The deserving result for neither training nor playing competitively two years since. She slapped hi-fives to the girls on the other side of the court, the girls whom she trained and sparred alongside with half a decade ago, the girls whom she remembers taking down at ease more than once in the days of pilotpens and whatnots. She has always been a winner and she hates losing just like you. But the girl of yesterday did sold her life to trainings sevendaysaweek and festering the bitterness of defeats.

What happened to yesterday.

And she chose to walk away today; thrusting her racket onto the bench as she unties her shoelaces with her head leaned on her knees. ‘Don’t cry’ the voice whispered assertively ‘and don’t be angry at yourself’ the voice spoke most calmly. The girl of yesterday had a kickass attitude that was self-destructive, she remembers slamming (and wrecking) her rackets ohtoomanytimes whenever she played a bad shot. The girl of yesterday had a competitive streak that could kill, she remembers sulking and tear streaked after each defeat, pityparties and coldshoulders ruled those shameless days.

The sunflowergirl in spite of circumstances.

Many kind words were offered - from thecharmer, herfavouriteboy and especially theveryseniorone whom she respects mostest – she braved a pursed smile at them but by night, she was flashing her sunshinesmiles again. Yes, she was a splitmomentsad, because she is human. But there was no trace of anger or mindless self-reproach - in sports, you win some and you lose some, period. She is thriving in the ability to grapple with her emotions victoriously and to guard her heart and mind with a self-identity that does not change with the seasons. She slid into morpheus arms that night knowing she will (and she did!) play better tomorrow and for the rest of the Games just because.

So it is, SameOldBrandNewHer.

The more you invest in something, the more it will hurt and break you when it disappoints. Test and tried, the only thing that will never disappoint is her God. Exactly two years ago, she made the choice to invest her life in His Kingdom and in these two years, her life underwent a MEGAmetamorphosis! It is not just the manifold ‘returns’ but also the fullness of life and the birth of a brand new attitude! She has been resisting competitions since, for fear she may slide back into the shoes of the girl of yesterday but she now knows it is not about the competition, it is about the deep-seated attitude that He now has Kingship over. She still likes winning and she wants to compete again for she knows He has made her a winner, always.

She is God’s Girl, today and forever.

Finally a medal after three AUGs! (: Should have been a different colour though, mybad! The medal aside, this year's AUG got to be my favourite, despite no longer playing as well as I was in my "prime" years ha ha but its really this years's team (both the girlsANDguys) that has left a superspecial place in my heart like no previous team did! Will write more about the sweethearts post-essaying..! (I'm relying ENTIRELY on divine intervention) Teandsympathy are most welcomed. Oh,

Happy FrighteninglyFaithful FOURTH birthday to
hiding-place (i.e my good'ol first blog)!

Oh dear, that I'm still writing after FOUR years, albeit at a different space, shows I'm still fixated in thinkingOUTloud! You may read the archives and laughATthegirl who wrote sweetnothings for her then-boyfriend across the oceans for one yearish! Ha ha *blushesINdisbelief* The dark and angsty writings aside, I think hiding-place was a hit among my friends in those years because of how ______ (fill in the blank with the most shameless adjective you deem fit) the girl was to the boynextdoor, ha ha. Definitely, the girl has evolved (: And left behind the things we do whenwewereyoung and when we still believed in comewhatmays.