//caught in your grace//

Caught In Your Grace.

Nuff said.

This year's AI final is the best so far I reckon! I thoroughly enjoyed it and the fact that it kept me distracted from my work, that must mean something! Well, both Jessica and Damien are such dynamic finalists -- the first year's final was good but not impressive and even tho GuySeb won it, I think ShannonNoll is coming through stronger now; last year's was really substandard I thought -- I'm happy that Damien won it (even though I'm a Jessica supporter!!) because don't you think that he's the (semi-)Australia version of DamienRice and JamesBlunt - "that type" which is currently selling like hotcakes in the music industry because they are such a rare breed! The AI single was simply written for Damien, I don't find it very suitable for Jessica - so for once, I'm actually looking forward to the album of an AI winner, his "type" of music will please my earbuds completely (:

OH DAMIEN RICE WILL BE IN MELBOURNE IN FEB, one night concert only!!!!! THEBESTFRIEND!! WE MUST GO OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Its one of those NON-NEGOTIABLE things to attend! *hyperventilates* Even though he's doing his European tour in March (the London tickets are SOLDOUT already, its crazy!) but the thing about going for concerts is that you must go with people who "understands" (He He!) and gets the zazazsu together *Ohfaints* IamSOexcited!!! Next year is going to be like a dreamscometrue year for me, don't you think! Man..if JamesBlunt and MichaelBuble each does another UK tour next year of which I will get to see it, that will really be the end of me!

The Ashes are NOT looking good for my England! ): RickyPonting has been simply sensational in the first test I must say, he does for Australia Cricket what StevieG does for Liverpool methinks. Apprentice is on tonight! I'm such a couch potato that if I tell you I miss a favourite teevee show, that, is a sign of stress! In the spirit of couchpotatoness, I think the BigManMelbourne teevee advert is cute!

Church really rejuvenates me (: I think if I can find a lovely Church in whichever city I have to work in, I won't be as afraid of FT work as I have been!

Into Your hands, I commit again.

happy twenty first my dear LMA! (:

you are one thing (I mean, person) I will miss ohsomuch when I leave Melbourne, no more drinking partner for me, boo! sorry I couldn't be there tonight but you know I love you! huuuugsss*

I NEED A P.A!!

Does anyone want to apply?

My head is going to burst with so many dates and appointments to keep and the to-do-list is faint-worthy! I think, the past one month has been insightful as to what is to come of FT working when one is expected to produce results on a daily basis especially when people are paying you big money for your work, it goes without saying they are expecting both quantity and quality.

God has been gracious which is why I have been doing okay albeit terriblytired. (It will be over soonsoon! But I still need a P.A!)

But I have been upset because I realised that I don't know how to prioritise people or should I even be prioritising people to begin with? In the past 7 days, I had 3 farewells to attend (R, S & E), 1 friend visiting Melb (H) and 2 bigbithdaysbashes (T's 30th & A's 21st). They are not just mere acquaintances or hi-byes for that matter, but good friends! I just don't know how to manage it if I have to had big nights nearly every night? I remember having this conversation with JonLee (I think he's probably the only person who understands) that how it is just inherently impossible to keep up with things like this yet feel that you have to because these people form your social circle of friends and it now feels like you have to walk away from them because theirs is a different (stage of) life? There was also YA Ball last night and Volunteers Appreciation Night tonight..And I just worked a 40 hour week!

And so I give up on socials. Simply because I couldn't keep up with it. I decided not to go for any of them at all because when I sit myself down to evaluate and decide which one(s) to go (and not go) for, I couldn't?! Well, you tell me, on what system, what basis, what guidelines can you use to make your call? Put it harshly, its like I can't decide who to disappoint so I decided to disappoint ALL..! How do you answer to a good friend that you can't attend his/her farewell/birthday/gathering because you have chosen to attend another good friend's? So much of a 'good friend' huh, they will think. And then it gets worse when you are not just choosing between two but between like, six? That is why I say I am not the social butterfly people think I am because I have at some point in my life evolved into the girl who runsaway from socials..! I often wonder how Jesus did it! As in attending to one group of people to another non-stop! (Methinks its because he had 12 P.A! Ha ha!) I mean Jesus' sphere of influence wasn't just the twelve disciples or the people in Galilee, it was extensive primarily because He drew people Him.

Well, it did break my heart when S txt me saying she was very sad that I couldn't make it for her farewell because (I don't know how did it happen but) I've become one of her closest girl friend over this year and back in America where she's returning to next week, she has never had girl friends except for her sister and in fact she have had bad experiences with girl friends, so. It was my choice to spend all my week nights with mel jie (since I've moved in with her for a while) instead of attending any of the socials. Listening to her practice her pieces for her music prac exam and she cooked dinner for me daily! So nice! (: She also helped me choose my skincare products before she went home today, which makes me sad! ): I like talking to mel jie and reminiscing about highschool days - she was my senior! Time and again I have found that it is the people from the past who shines through and through my life. It goes without saying that the old friends whom I'm still in close contact with are prioritised by virtue of fact that we've got a history that goes way back and (as cliche as it sounds) have stood the test of time.

Maybe its a new phase of life God is slowly adjusting me into..? If anything, the past year itself has made me feel that I've moved so far ahead in my life that..that there are times I need to remind myself that I'm only 21! It was a season of preparation. It can get very lonely being so much 'ahead' by the measurement of life and I've always found it cute when I take my trio princesses out and share with them some episodes of my life over a meal and they will listen without a blink! Ha ha and how they indignantly call me 'Queen', such sweethearts! True that life is a lot more 'fun' and 'exciting' and I think people thrive and "find themselves" through having a group identity. But I think it will come a point in your life where, if you want to move forward in the life that God has destined for you, then you need to know how to unbuckle and uproot and just move on. The thing is that people adhere religiously to their social groups because it is where they find 'stability' on top of an identity. (Which is why people when they get attached, pull away from social groups because they have found their new source of 'stability' in the other half.)

I believe God desires for all of us to constantly Rise Up and be going for things of the unimaginable. If you feel that you are not going anywhere or have not been moving forward this year, chances are you have allowed yourself to stay buckled at a stage when what He wants is for you to Rise Up. Are you on the look out for your Rising Up opportunity? They are in abundance! By God, there is no such thing as moving on without rising up. Every forward movement in your life, whether by natural force of age or a new career or relocating or the like, He is expecting you to Rise Up. While it appears to be very lonely (which you may already have anticipated) but I've learnt that He is already there, waiting.

AmazingRace is on tonight!

AmazinGrace is with me dayandnight!!

"What you do every day should contribute to giving your life meaning. If it doesn't, why are you doing it?" - Don Hutcheson

Its been about 4.5 years since I had my first encounter with God in 2002 and 2.5 years since I made a commitment to make Him Lord and my life -- that was at JulyCamp 2004, thankyouocf! At missions training last week, Peter taught us that there are 6 fundamental relationships we can take to with God in 'fostering' intimacy -- (1) Potter/Clay (2) Shepherd/Sheep (3) Master/Servant (4) Father/Child (5) Friend/Friend (6) Lover/Lover -- we should all be able to identify at least one of the above in understanding our own way of 'intimacy' with God. If I have to ranked them in how I personally take to each of these relationship with God it will be in the order (2), (4), (6), (3), (5), (1).

God is my Shepherd because like a sheep who has gone astray, He came searching for me and took me back..God is my Father because of how He is literally The PROVIDER in my life - from the roof over my head to the food in the stomach..! God is my Lover because He has LAVISHED upon me and unconditional love that its not about what I do (or did not do)..the whole sense of completeness would come closest to describing how amazing it has been (: I was initially feeling slightly uneasy that (3) was ranked at the bottom half, I think coming from a traditional background, my SS teachers have always drummed into us our relationship with God is simply (3)..then I think Peter stressed that neither one relationship is considered more "intimate" or "holy" than the other, its just God's way of interacting intimacy with different personalities, its our individual love language with Him. It was an amazing time of revelations for me last Sunday during missionstraining!

During my lunch break today, I took time to bask in the warm sunshine and read His Word! I was expecting God to speak this arvo, you know regardng my entry last night about laying my careerANDfuture at His feet in FAITH (hurhur meoflittleFaith really), so I as per usual asked Him for a sign of promise as I decide to step out of the boat and walk on water. HowExciting! Lo and behold, I received my third promise! In the last 2.5 years, I've asked (slash bargained?) specifically for three promises from Him on three separate occasions, one of which has already come to pass this year!! (I think He must find me very greedy, oops. But thats our love language, its how we errr interact and foster intimacy? Ha ha.) DanielTwelve in August2004, ProverbsSeven in October2005 and ItsASecret! in November2006! Just as the previous two experiences, this one was equally mind-blowing and the words, like a sword, pierced right into the emptyholes in my heart and then you feel something filling-up these potholes and you just don't feel so scared stepping out of the boat anymore (:

IT IS A CHOICE!!

God's Sovereignty, Man's Responsibility.

The passion that God so generously puts in our hearts is our responsibility and choice to fan it DAILY. Seriously, its the hardest month I've ever had: tests of integrity (ohwhatsnew), FAITH, responsibilities, PRIORITIES.. I will not say I've emerged victorious through it all but I definitely learn something new each day.. 2006 is indeed a season of preparations.

Despite all the H1s and H2As that scatter across my academic transcript, I do not think I honour God with my studies simply because I know that my "achievement" of these grades have often come at the expense of my time with Him, I confess. And so I resent. Yet He is so ever Gracious, it is sobering. The primary reason that drives my decision to drop my plans for further studying (ie. doing my honours -- ohpunintended!) because time and again I have FAILED to be the most honoring ChildofGod or SisterINChrist when studiesstress builds a CAVE over my tinyheart. It was just like my exact problem 2 years ago when I was inherently unable to put God first as I was plagued with the WORRY that I would be LOTS (HAHA!) and so when the call for taking extreme measures came, it was hard but it has all worked out to be for the BEST two years later today (and still going strong!!) It feels quite the same this time albeit entirely different situation: it has been HARD not thinking about how my plain (and somewhat ridiculous) looking Bachelor of Arts is going to get me anywhere - and here I am wasting precious time applying for honours and masters WHEN I've heard Him clearly saying LetGo but my heart just hasn't been able to stop questioning HOW and the head is fighting to take control - but its high time I choose You and lay them all down at Your feet.

My pick for AI's finalists this year: Jessica and Dean! And I'm taking Jessica to win it (as I've already written before) Dean who is apparently OhBaby!'s highschool friend (HAHA!) is too mainstream I think and AI's winner has never been mainstream, both Guy and Casey were the "underdogs" in a sense and the whole tallpoppysyndrome underwrites it all. Also, the music industry serves Australian women better than men? (Whoops, my talented musician housemate is not going to like this! Haha!) Think Kylie and Delta; and I struggle to pull out a name of a male artist that made it? Well, maybe KeithUrban, though quite honestly I've only heard of him after his engagement with NicoleKidman..? Anyhow, I genuinely like Jessica though and find her very uniquely talented. In fact, she reminds me alot of myuberchicfriend - Louee for some reason *wavestoLou* (And don't kill me for saying that the music industry serves Aussie women better than men, I do consider your Darren's 84 an exception!) I think its the same kind of a "big" personality that exudes from the simple girl, in performance-terms, its called stage presence (:

Phew! GodisGood! I managed to signed up for the LAST Saturday spot of the GRE examination in Melbourne, the rest of the veryfewdates left from now until I leave Melb are either on Wed or Fri which I can't make it due to my FT work! So I will be taking my GRE exam on 9th December which I should have had ALL my exams and essays cleared by then, not that there is anything to be studied for GRE though. I don't understand how can anyone STUDY for SAT (which is the college version of GRE, GRE is for Graduates and its apparently an Honours-equivalent indicator therefore goodFORme if I'm resisting doing fourth year, meaning, if I score a certain score on GRE, it will indicate that I have acquired the skills which an Hons graduate would and can use that score to apply for postgrad studies that would typically require an Hons degree prerequisite). My first SAT attempt without any uhhhh preparation gave me about a 600ish average score for each of the Math, Critical Reading and Writing components -- which isn't like fabulous since I know of friends who whipped 1400s for their SAT under the old format, but I'm contented (: I took the new format because I want the Writing component, I don't think the Math + Verbal old format is accurate in determining one's "Verbal" capability (because people who actually STUDIED for SAT can potentially memorise the whole dictionary if they want to! But knowing what a word means doesn't mean you know how to use it effectively.)

WHOA! An undergrad research assistant at NUS is paid a miserable SGD$8 an hour?! Thats like -.- !!! I think I definitely made the right choice to do my undergraduate studies at Melbourne. My R/A remuneration is about err 4.5 times of that?!!

Anyway! A new option has SPRUNG up!

HRMMMM

1. a LINED moleskine! (an ArtsStudentMustHave item)
2. a niceSHINYbracelet! (I'm into bracies & ankies rather than neckies)
3. tickets to MissSaigon and Phantom both showing in Oz next year!!
4. kristinbillerbeck's christianchiclit books! (new series!)

AND I will invest the rest of my hardearnpaycheque into my eurotrip! Its really NICE knowing that I'll get to conquer lovelyeurotowns with Kimmie mei and also see LeslieYeo in France! I've not seen him in 32647213647 years!!)

Tonight is going to be my first all-nighter in a long long long long long long time. Eversince I started working FT, it has just been inherently impossible to pull an all-nighter which explains why my essays are suffering bad and making me feel somewhatlousy because I thrive on all-nighters to produce that schmuck piece of writing. I've got 2 days off tomorrow and on Cup day, I'm hoping to pull two all-nighters and produce two decent piece of writings which are getting depressinglyNOwhere at the rate I've been juggling them with my FT workload the past fortnight! So I'm all equipped tonight and once the clock strikes twelve, the battle begins. Thanks to mama Jasmen who gave me a whole lot of food after missions training this arvo, which will last me the entire week!

Ready, GetSet, Go. yougogirl!

In the past week, I think I've read more Acts than any law student has!!! Ok thats an exaggeration but I did read up an insane amount and I think I qualify as a law student easily ho ho ho big call there! And I was having dinner with a lawyer last night and he did admit that as a lawyer you don't have to know ALL the Acts. Instead, you only read a certain Act up when a client comes to you with a problem. But of course your years in law school would have given you a vague idea of whether what so and so does contravene with the Act or not. Basically what a law degree does to him (and other law students) is simply to deepen one's analytical ability to a degree capable of analyzing these Acts and then search for potential loopholes to get your client around the legislations...

Ohwell I'm still thankful I'm not a law student, it definitely doesn't INTEREST me reading through all those Acts REPETITIVELY which I have to because I'm expected to write a report to a certain ministry in thatisland because someone dear to me has innocently gotten into trouble with the law, ohdearme. Even if I have done law (which I still honestly think its a very good degree to hold because of the skills you acquire through the degree) I can Never with a capital N see myself practising law because I just don't like the profession, actually no, its not entirely like that. I just know I will be absolutely shrewd and cutthroat and all the yuckstuff if I'm to practice law, its a competitive profession and I don't like myself very much when I am competitive enough said. (Eh don't blame me, I grew up in Singapore! Ha ha)

I like working in teams, because I can transfer my competitiveness into the whole team spirit thing -- thats why I'm all for team sports (: HMMMM Is it OKAY to apply for (graduate position) to only one organisation?? What if thats the ONLY organisation you want to work for?? Trust me, I've searched HIGHandLOW, there is absolutely nothing else seems to captivate my heart. Well I suppose if I'm a straight H1 student then I wouldn't be this mindboggled! I was considering Standard Chartered for a while but then the whole idea of working for a bank turned me off completely. Then there was GIC, but its the whole issue about wanting to work for a global firm. If I have to work for something local, it would possibly be only SIA ha ha! I'd rather be a flight attendant with SIA and get ZAP in my firstfewyears enjoy the flexibility of "waitressing in the air" than to have myself stuck in something that my heart doesn't beat for. (I'm after all a veteran waitress on land by now!) Well, I'm still envisioning being the first to make a statement that you don't have to be a straight H1 student to score a decent job -- all you really ever need is myBIGGod! (:

But until then, I'm completely annihilated -- ESSAYF(R)IED!