I NEED A P.A!!

Does anyone want to apply?

My head is going to burst with so many dates and appointments to keep and the to-do-list is faint-worthy! I think, the past one month has been insightful as to what is to come of FT working when one is expected to produce results on a daily basis especially when people are paying you big money for your work, it goes without saying they are expecting both quantity and quality.

God has been gracious which is why I have been doing okay albeit terriblytired. (It will be over soonsoon! But I still need a P.A!)

But I have been upset because I realised that I don't know how to prioritise people or should I even be prioritising people to begin with? In the past 7 days, I had 3 farewells to attend (R, S & E), 1 friend visiting Melb (H) and 2 bigbithdaysbashes (T's 30th & A's 21st). They are not just mere acquaintances or hi-byes for that matter, but good friends! I just don't know how to manage it if I have to had big nights nearly every night? I remember having this conversation with JonLee (I think he's probably the only person who understands) that how it is just inherently impossible to keep up with things like this yet feel that you have to because these people form your social circle of friends and it now feels like you have to walk away from them because theirs is a different (stage of) life? There was also YA Ball last night and Volunteers Appreciation Night tonight..And I just worked a 40 hour week!

And so I give up on socials. Simply because I couldn't keep up with it. I decided not to go for any of them at all because when I sit myself down to evaluate and decide which one(s) to go (and not go) for, I couldn't?! Well, you tell me, on what system, what basis, what guidelines can you use to make your call? Put it harshly, its like I can't decide who to disappoint so I decided to disappoint ALL..! How do you answer to a good friend that you can't attend his/her farewell/birthday/gathering because you have chosen to attend another good friend's? So much of a 'good friend' huh, they will think. And then it gets worse when you are not just choosing between two but between like, six? That is why I say I am not the social butterfly people think I am because I have at some point in my life evolved into the girl who runsaway from socials..! I often wonder how Jesus did it! As in attending to one group of people to another non-stop! (Methinks its because he had 12 P.A! Ha ha!) I mean Jesus' sphere of influence wasn't just the twelve disciples or the people in Galilee, it was extensive primarily because He drew people Him.

Well, it did break my heart when S txt me saying she was very sad that I couldn't make it for her farewell because (I don't know how did it happen but) I've become one of her closest girl friend over this year and back in America where she's returning to next week, she has never had girl friends except for her sister and in fact she have had bad experiences with girl friends, so. It was my choice to spend all my week nights with mel jie (since I've moved in with her for a while) instead of attending any of the socials. Listening to her practice her pieces for her music prac exam and she cooked dinner for me daily! So nice! (: She also helped me choose my skincare products before she went home today, which makes me sad! ): I like talking to mel jie and reminiscing about highschool days - she was my senior! Time and again I have found that it is the people from the past who shines through and through my life. It goes without saying that the old friends whom I'm still in close contact with are prioritised by virtue of fact that we've got a history that goes way back and (as cliche as it sounds) have stood the test of time.

Maybe its a new phase of life God is slowly adjusting me into..? If anything, the past year itself has made me feel that I've moved so far ahead in my life that..that there are times I need to remind myself that I'm only 21! It was a season of preparation. It can get very lonely being so much 'ahead' by the measurement of life and I've always found it cute when I take my trio princesses out and share with them some episodes of my life over a meal and they will listen without a blink! Ha ha and how they indignantly call me 'Queen', such sweethearts! True that life is a lot more 'fun' and 'exciting' and I think people thrive and "find themselves" through having a group identity. But I think it will come a point in your life where, if you want to move forward in the life that God has destined for you, then you need to know how to unbuckle and uproot and just move on. The thing is that people adhere religiously to their social groups because it is where they find 'stability' on top of an identity. (Which is why people when they get attached, pull away from social groups because they have found their new source of 'stability' in the other half.)

I believe God desires for all of us to constantly Rise Up and be going for things of the unimaginable. If you feel that you are not going anywhere or have not been moving forward this year, chances are you have allowed yourself to stay buckled at a stage when what He wants is for you to Rise Up. Are you on the look out for your Rising Up opportunity? They are in abundance! By God, there is no such thing as moving on without rising up. Every forward movement in your life, whether by natural force of age or a new career or relocating or the like, He is expecting you to Rise Up. While it appears to be very lonely (which you may already have anticipated) but I've learnt that He is already there, waiting.