//caught in your grace//

Something tells me 2007 is going to be..Special (:

As the clock strikes twelve, I will bid goodbye not only to 2006 but also to a past. I'm akin to consider moving to UK as a bigbreak (finally) in my life as much as uncertainties continue to linger as to what am I exactly going to land my hands on over in the UK and I would like to believe with all I am that God-given opportunities do not disappoint. And as much as there is still the sinking feeling of making Australia pasttense, but I must. I'm not (almost never) proud about my past. The reason why I talk, or write about it for that matter, is only because skeletons look a lot scarier in the closet.

And also I've learnt to care less about whatpeoplethink, so you can judge me and I don't care. I will be eternally grateful for a fantastic 2006 that would have cancelled out my horrid firsttwoyears in Australia. This year alone, I've heard for the record number of times from peoplefromthepast about the evolution of the girl, that I'm not her anymore. It makes me happy though the heart knows I'm still a big time WorkInProgress and will never have enough of Refinement. So my time in Australia ended on a high! 2006 was the best year in my life thus far! The years before that have been mistakes-ridden especially that two fateful mistakes in a span of five years that have come so near to breaking me but. He was and is gracious and merciful, I was given a second chance 4 years ago and now I've been given a third.

Walking away from the past, because some things just need slash compel you to. I remember hearing a true story about a girl who left Church and nobody knew why. She ran into her cell leader one day who persisted on finding out why and she finally relented. She confessed that she had slept with a guy. The cell leader told her that thats okay because God is a God of second chances and is a God who forgives and forget and she should come back to Church where she can be released from that part of her past with support from her Church leaders. Unnerved by the words of encouragement, the girl looked into the eyes of her cell leader and said, 'the guy. he, is our youth pastor'. And then she walked away as she already had.

The story struck me hard. It tells me, if you want to forget, you have to walk away from the people and things that will remind. I wonder if I will ever run out of places to walkawayto? No, I really shouldn't be making those unkind mistakes anymore, the youngandignorant tag will no longer serve me well! I will guard my newbeginning, my thirdchance, with all my heart. One of the most powerful things I've learnt about Him this year is that He is not only a God who forgives, He is also a God who forgets. When I first learnt to forgive myself after thefirstmistake, I didn't learn to forget and it took less than two years for me to blow my secondchance. The wrath of God is real but it is not without an all-consuming love because the LORD disciplines those he loves.

In the eyes of the world, it probably appeared like a sentence to 3 years 8 months of imprisonment! For that matter, I don't deny having thoughts of that in the start and like a rebellious convict, I attempted prisonbreaking through and through the first year, how silly! Now going into the final 15 months, I'm loving every moment of it! I've walked away from the(lessthanglorious)past in Singapore and now I'm given the chance to walk away from the(equallyscarred)past in Australia and this time I want to forget. The New Year is meaningless in itself but it definitely motivates me to get into action. I still have a couple of months to tie up any loose ends here in Australia because this time I'm determined to notlookback.

Blogspot and BlogCoUk have served my angst, whinery, procrastinations and surely narcissism more than well in the last four years and a bit. I thank you if you have followed and witnessed the evolution of the girl. In the spirit of newness, I consider this space - which contains remnants of thefatefulpast - old. In other words, she is leaving this space (and thepast that she is learning to and will forget) as she moves an inch closer to finding her happy ending. So this is it. The new space is up and should you still bother, check back later for the announcement. Til then, have a joyous new year (because I will)!

I wonder how do people do it!

This is one of those moments that make me very unhappy about being onthego and travelling light and some of you may laugh at me but! There is a stinging feeling putting all my readers and three years worth of notes into the recycling bins.. )))): Well, at least by the time I got to Uni, I was OVER making those prettypersonalised notes otherwise I think I will cry saying goodbye to them. Silly ain't it. Thats perhaps why I never got down to thrashing out my O Levels notes at my mother's absolute dismay. They are decorated with (literally) my sweatbloodandtears, its ohsopartofme!! But on my Uni readers, its not so much about the effort (or the lack there of ho ho) but just because some of the materials in my readers (especially History) are priceless..! Take those primary resources for instance. Not unless I become an academic myself, otherwise, I will never ever have access to these materials again! (From an environmental point of view, I think the uni should aim to make the readers more recyclable.) Yeap so this is one of those times I wish I have a 'permanent home' per se. When you have a pseudo-hobo lifestyle like mine, you just have to learn to be extremely selective on what you can bring on the road with you and obviously those weighlikerocks readers will not make the cut. Truth has it that I was in fact toying with the thoughts of bringing them over to UK because I don't think that I will get materials as comprehensive over there!! Well..the whole packingup and saying goodbye to fouryearsworth of memories exercise has been more heartwrenching than I had thought to be. It has definitely been like a preview to what are the potential chainsTOleg that can weigh me down and hold me back from moving onwards in pursuit of my destiny.

Give me a discontented heart for thatsimplelife.

MAN! Next year's Hillsongs Conference has got a super yummy guests lineup!

JohnBevere. ChrisTomlin. IsraelHoughton. TDJakes. StephenCurtisChapman. Watoto (ohsocute!)

): Too bad I won't be around! Anyhoo, I'm very happy going for my first Colour Conference anyway -- LisaBevere and MarilynSkinner will be there! I can smell the fragrance of the New Year already!

Who would have thought, Jack Neo understands.

My living room was flooded with saltwater from the broken taps planted on my face as I laughcry throughout iNotStupid2! The thing about growing up in Singapore, if you haven't, you will not (and probably will never) understand the cultural-complexities of the society. Both as the comedian he was during the good'ol liangpopo days to the director who gave Singapore her first GoldenHorseAward through Megan Cheng in Homerun, Jack Neo is one Singaporean I have grown to respect for his continual effort in setting the standard for Singapore's media. I like the satirical flavour in Jack Neo's films both in illustrating the political petpeevs and cultural complexities in Singapore. Satires will only work if it is an accurate portrayal of the usuallyunsaids. It leads me to believe that Jack Neo must have done an enormous amount of research going into directing this film; I'm sure there is a disparity between his time and ours though there would be certain cultural complexities that have transcended time. Of the various cultural complexities he attempted to 'unpack', there were (too) many I could relate to and draw links with flashbacks of my very own. I'm not sure if it feels good, knowing that there is at least someone who understands or, was it knowing that I wasn't alone in all that growinguptrauma. Either way, it worked (and henceforth the saltwater welling in my eyes). Reunderstanding what were/are some of the societal norms in the fishbowl I grew up in (of which dysfunctional families is perhaps one) I was pleasantly enlightened in many ways and levels. *jan gives iNotStupid2 two thumbs up!*

And I'm beginning to derive a sense of identity that no matter where I go, you can take me out of Singapore but never (be it parts or all of) Singapore out of me.

PS. I think the JoshuaAng boy is good looking eh! He has the type of coolbadboy look I used to dig in my youngandfoolish days ha ha! But somehow many of my coolbadboys seem to lose that 'look' of theirs with age, sad ain't it! Otherwise.. (:

This Christmas holidays has just been a sinfully slothful one! Before there was my therapeutic six hours mahjong with the boys at Jono's last night, there was the muchawaited retreat with and at thebestsfriend's! Well, we'd basically eat, sleep, talk, laugh, read, sleep (again), eat, watch dvd, laugh, talk, sleep (and again), eat, read..ok I can't remember the exact order but you get the gist!! But oh it was lovely! I am just very blessed to have found a 'soulmate' in her to have spent my last couple of years in Melbourne, I have just been thinking how different it would have been without her presence otherwise (: Now with the upcoming move to UK, I'm still feeling quite jitterish about it (how unlike me you may think!) but talking to one of my best girlfriend Candice just now got me excited all over again.. (: Visiting LondonOCF with her, our super overdue trip to Athens with Celest (we were suppose to be there for Athens 2004!) and most certainly our (in my words) manure vs (in her words) poolOFliver showdown at Anfield (I will drag her in there while she will attempt to make me sin by walking into Old Trafford!)

More on theGREATbritain, I love the enthusiasm the English creates at a sporting event! Ben and I went down to MCG to catch the Ashes today (we stood for 8 hours I think! But for Cricket, its worth it!) Dearme, the Barmyarmy are a hardcore bunch I tell you! Puts the AussieOiOiOi cheer to utter shame, how boring! Its a pity that the Poms were just going through a tough run this Ashes (lack of form as they say) or simply, Warnie was just too brilliant. There was just (sadly) no fight at all on the field, oherwise I suspect a riot might just break out at the Cricket Grounds! But I'm happy I caught my first Ashes at MCG! (2009 will be in theGREATbritain!) I'm slowly ticking off all the sporting events that I want to attend in my lifetime, though of course marrying a sport personnel would make it alot quicker, grin!

Oh then there is also me and my littledrummerboy fetish, rumpapapum! (:

I love this version of OHolyNight!! I heard my housemate playing OHN on his coolpiano last week and immediately I was overwhelmed by memories of Christmas last year in Nakhon Sri Thammarat! We went Christmas carolling and sang OHN which is also my favourite Christmas Carol! Aww..I miss missions, can't wait for my Cambodia trip -- its in three weeks! Sensational! I'm so glad that the terrible exam period is well and way over now (even though not with the most fantastic results, but I'm over that!) Because there is just SO much I am looking forward to in twoOOseven! But first up, I'm absolutely looking forward to Christmas this year, very strange! Not that I don't usually, I love Christmas! But there is just a different sort of sweet anticipation this year, don't know why! The heart is bursting with Joy and giddy with Excitement (again)! My Christmas week would be busybusy packing up (: No Boxing Day Shopping! Time to start saving up on those bigbucks from my Research! (: I'm happy that I've cleared my gmails! Stayed up til 5am this morning to clear them all but when I woke up there was already fourteen new mails!! Dear me! Got down to clearing them straight away and the inbox looks prettily empty now, yay! Cos I'm going away this weekend to Jasmen's tonight and thebestfriend's for twonights over Christmas, very exciting! Its a shame that Australia is not that big on Christmas, as in, I would love to have more Christmas deco, music and just festivity bubbling in the city.. Doesn't help when its not "white" either! Well..next year! *wistfulsmile*

ITS HERE!!! ITS HERE!!!! MY HOOOOOLLIDAYYS!!

Man..Not until you've worked slogged FULLTIME that the word 'holiday' takes on a new meaning equivalent to the end of jail term. Okay its not all that negative since I love working more often than not, but I'm still a twentyone year YOUNG lady who (like everyone else do) likes to sleepIN and stayOUTlate and FT work basically deprived me of all that funthings my peers do! Isn't it somewhat tragic that the only time I get to REST and do NOTHING is also the last week of the entire year?! I've just been onthego non-stop throughout this year without a break! Summer break this year started with missions and once I got back, went straight into working with Uni, Peko and Comm Games. Easter holiday had theappleofmyeye visiting me from Perth, there goes. Winter break was supposedly a break I was looking forward to but it turned out that that one month break was one of the most dramatic episode of my life being with my grandpa in his last days.. (: September break was taken up by AUG (which we got Bronze!) and then it went madness from then on having to work FT and study FT since October.. Even today which is my last day at work before the THE oneweekbreak, I worked a record of fourteen hours!! Only because Peko was shorthanded tonight so they rang me up and I zoomed down right after nine hours at Swinburne! Anyway I was happy to do it since I miss waitressing! Plus the anticipation of the arrival of my holidays kept me in superhigh spirits the entire day (: So I just got home, veryverytireddd!

Though, I do have a lenghtylist of ToDos during my precious one week holiday!! The first thing I should get down to doing is clearing emails! The thing about emails and me is if I don't reply and archive them immediately, my inbox grows like a locust plague!!! I have a lovehate relationship with emails really. I love receiving them but when you are getting like 20-30 emails a day (only because I have friends all over the world and thats inevitable plus mailing lists and all that dailyreads) it scares me whenever I go away and it takes a lot of me to face my inbox when I return! So my aim before the new year is to start my email on a clean slate! To clear everything I have in my current email then launch my new email add on 1st January! TwoOOSeven is going to be a brand NEW year, something tells me it akins to a brand NEW beginning, we shall see (:

Presenting to you the ManOfGod of the twentyfirstcentury! Heh (: One of the participants who undertook the experiment of the research I'm currently doing wrote this story as part of the experiment and I went wideeyed reading it! It was a wordless and timeless kind of feeling which I call it 'funnysweet', the last time I felt this was when my lovely then-boyfriend splurge his entire sports award (monetary incentive) on my Christmas gift -- a Swarovski pendant which was very shinily pretty but it was a design which even my littlest brother could tell it was not entirely..mainstream lets put it that way. But still it was a funnysweet feeling (: Anyway have a good read, and if you think you are a ManOfGod, ho ho my participant would challenge you to thinktwice!

"They couldn’t have asked for a better day. The weather was balmy.The sky was as blue as a precious amysythe. The scenery was peaceful; the wind was but a whisper. Joe chuckled as he thought about God’s providence with the timing of this auspicious occasion. Never in his wildest dreams did he see himself with Valerie, his one true love. Yet here they were. Joe got the washtub ready, brought out the towel and with the suaveness of a talk show host, knelt before Valerie and said, “just as Jesus washed his disciple’s feet as a reminder of his humility to them. I want to wash your feet to remind you- that I will forever work to humble myself before God in order to put our lives before Him. Valerie, will you marry me?” “Yes!” That was all Joe needed. The perfect day forever etched in memory!"

Because I was arranging to meet myfavouriteworshipleader willie (who is the bestman) for dinner tonight then very naturally I thought of my bong’srei then it suddenly DAWNED upon me that she – one of mybestfriend - is getting married in two weeks! It was a faintworthy moment for me. You see, it isn’t just she is getting married butbut she IS getting married! I mean we’ve been talking about the wedding for as long as I can remember (and definitely nearly everyday during our trips to Thailand and Cambodia beginning this year) Now it IS happening after all the seemingly unsurmountable 'mountains'. I think I might faint as they walk down the aisle (krys, quick go learn CPR!) And being a cheemui at 21 is quite a strange ‘feat’ indeed..(krys you are worse k, twenty only and is a cheemui, hoho!)

Then there was that familiarfeeling that washes over manytimesandagain-
Of how somewhere inbetween growingup and growingold,
I found myself.

ITS OVER!!!!

I was able to managed my panic hormones the last week, praise God (: This has been a curse that I’ve carried but I suppose I have not been able to break it because of the head-heart conflict – which is why I look forward so much to finishing off my studies, not because I hate studying with a vengeance, quite the opposite in fact, but rather I had enough of living under the yoke of exam panic attacks. Its almost like my own cross to carry because I don’t think anyone will ever understand unless you’ve been there, done that. Biting myself til I bleed and find that painlessly therapeutic whenever an episode of attack pays a visit during the examination period – its not even about stress because I’ve done tests that place me relatively high on stress management and unlike many Singaporean parents’ imposition of standards on their children, mine would be pale in comparison, in a good way I must say!

Its just genetic, I was told. A generational curse. As in I’m not the only person in my family and generation who has been living with it too. We were quite close when we were kids but we never shared about this though, I guess I’ve always found it humiliating and thinks it wrecks my sense of self. I was told a few years ago that she has chosen to give up, dropping out of her course altogether even though she was doing outstandingly but the innate inability to face exams.. She had very different coping strategies from me, mine were more internalise and self-inflicting while I was told hers were more externalised as in she would run away from home the night before the exam.. The splittingsimilarity was just how we have both in our lifetime as a student missed too many exams not because we are not up for it but we've been slaves to the curse and we were left in the closet.

I remember how I would cry buckets the night before the paper for no rhyme or sound reason! I had a good friend back then whom I would call her and just sob incontrollably and inbetween screaming 'I don't want to go for my exam tomorrow!!' -- she must have thought I was a nutcase! Because I was arguably one of the last who need to worry about failing or not doing well, I was academically-inclined so to speak. Being topten in class wasn't an unusual feat for me (and I was in the top class of my subject combi with lots of brilliant people!) Yet still I couldn't make myself go to the exam hall the next day, more than once. I don’t know how hard it took her to give it up, I imagine it would be very. She was a high achiever, consistently topping her school (in the east) academically and was one of the finest track athletes, they called her a talent.

A lot of people have said we are very similar since we were kids, and as all typical Chinese relatives like to do, compare. I remember as a kid I have at times felt inferior to her because she was (and still is) very pretty and a lot of insensitive and senseless aunties would tell me right in my face that we are both pretty but she is prettier (whatthe!) I remember one night when she stayed over at my place and it was before her O levels results were released, we found out that we both had dreams of going to VJ! And even started thinking how it will be like being an undergrad! Uncannily in the same manner, we were betrayed by our O levels results even though three years apart but our reaction was splittingly identical. She took a year off before resuming her studies but even as she did she never recovered and the year she gave it all up, the scroll was actually within inches.

I was told she sought professional help, but the sheer incompetency in this area in Singapore has in fact backfired on her. I was "luckier" in that sense because I found the Lord first which has deterred me from seeking professional help, though because my body reacts unusually (inevitably so) it has still come to the attention of doctors when I go for health checkups. I'm glad we've both found the Lord since, Hallelujah! Because even as she is not turning back and I'm pressing on, we've been caught in His grace to see us through Life (without having to justify for the lack of 'competency' in this area and escape judgment by potential employers). Only one more semester. I will finish it (and finish it well) and then never having to face this part of me and my life -- not in the near future at least!

RIDICULOUS!

))): Knowing that I support the poms, I was told this joke from a fellow academic at Swinburne about this little boy was asked in front of his class what does his dad do? Indignantly he replied, 'my dad is a stripper'. The teacher who immediately felt embarrassed for the boy changed the topic and told the boy he will speak to him later one-on-one. After class, the teacher approached the little boy and asked him how he felt about his dad's profession. And the boy whispered, 'Nah..My dad's not a stripper. Its just too embarrassing to let the class know that my dad's an English Cricketer.' Uh-hem.

Cook at 99! Get your century dude! ComeOnPoms! It wouldn't be a very nice boxing day test if you guys go down tonight! Bytheway, Ben and I are going for Day three of the test at MCG which will either be super exciting or not at all depending on tonight's outcome!

On a similarseparate note, today's Hobson's message spoke to me on 'Conviction'. Interesting. Lots to speak to Him about it seems! Okay. Still ultranxious about my MAS ticket, nothappy! And also nothappy I can't go for YA Christmas party tonight ): Discipline, jan, Discipline. After this week you have the whole of next year to p a r t y (before becoming a YWA (ha ha!) the following year)! Thebestfriend invited me for a Christmas(suburbslumber)Party which is for just twoofus! Teehee!

Okay, Cook got his Century (on 102 now)! ThatsTheWay!

I think I'm totally ill-fated with MalaysianAirlines!!

I've got a 100% fail-rate in my experience flying with MAS, as in, I've never been able to fly successfully with them!! I've used MAS only twice and both times I've ran into traumatising ticketing problems! The first time in 2005, I was left stranded at Tullamarine for 7 hours because my air ticket wasn't properly processed! Since then I have actually self-promised never to take MAS again but this time it seems inevitable because the only flight that will get me to KL on time for sis SB's wedding is a MAS flight, so reluctantly I booked it online and it has become an equal disaster! The MAS people are looking into it now and I will only be informed of the outcome tomorrow..!! *faints* Now I have to push this to the back of my mind for now otherwise cannot study!

*keepsfingerscrossed*

Even as the days to theGREATbritain draw closer, I find my enthusiasm strangely diminishing?? In fact the people around me are more excited than I am! I actually don't think I will be any less happy if I choose to finish my final semester in Melbourne instead? (I really like my lecturers here!!) Maybe its because the poms are doing so badly at the ashes?! Or maybe its because notsogood experiences with Brits in the past on different occasions still make me squirm now and then again?? Or maybe I'm just that sort of girl who 'digs' the thrill of going for something that appears un-get-able then loses interest when I 'get' it? (If I'm a guy, I will be dubbed a 'player' I reckon!) Or maybe its still just all too fuzzily surreal and it hasn't quite sink in yet that my opportunity to theGREATbritain has arrived? Or maybe I'm just plain tired (and very in need of a good recuperation of a delicious mixture of sleep-ins, spas and facials)? Whatever it is, it is making me contemplate the conviction I once had about going! Thisisnotgood! Though I suspect the poms taking the Ashes or Liverpool beating Arsenal in the FA quarters would almost certainly banish the thoughts of this post into past tense!

I listen to my heart too much sometimes ei!

In the past 7 days I...

-worked a 34-hour week!

-pulled two all-nighters - was awake for 30 hours from Sun-Mon and 35 hours from Tues-Wed and slept 4 hours last night, squeezing in my FT work inbetweens!

-sat for a 50% exam which I was given less than 48 hours to prepare for! :S

-handed in a 3k research paper which I was given just 5 days to work on!

-was returned the research paper I handed in during mid-sem and pleasantly surprised by the second touchdowngrade of the year!!

-had company Christmas dinner with fellow PDI interns and consultants on Tues!

-just came home from my CambodiaParty organised by the uberamazing couple Cathy and Randall! And during ministry afternoon last Sunday, we ingeniously came up with two children skits to bring to Cambodia! I'm "acting" as a piglet in one of them! Heh! I love my ministry!

-organised a surprise farewell&twentyfirst for NN even though it was the rest who showed up that did most of the work!

-had a pampering retail therapy session! (Which I bought myself my twentyfirst gift, a bag that I've been eyeing for 375836 years but could never have afforded it but it so happened that the day I went to look at it, the boutique was having a SECRETweekendSALE (?!!) hence the wicked fortypercentdiscount!)

-have another 3k research paper to complete this weekend which I was only notified on Wed! (The 5 days rule apply, well, there is nothing so great about being given Specials if you think it is!) This semester will officially conclude with this submission on Monday - FINALLY!



...

When I say IknowIhaveit it really means I've always known that He had everything within me in control and its. just. whether. I want to learn to let go and let God. So it seems like the year will end off on a high afterall?

Alright, the last lap here we go (:

Second one down, one more to go!! I feel sorry for my lecturer who has to read my atrocious handwriting!!! I like essay exams so super much more than MCQ (which I ass you see kay at it) but I disagree with having to write three essays in two hours! It compromises quality totally. My ideal exam would be a take home essay question to prepare in 3 days and write it out on the exam day openbook! Haha. The special paper I received was similar except I had to choose 3 very broad topics from a list of 9 and only given 48 hours to prepare for it and its closedbook. I think I wrote out of point for one of my topics because I spotted half of the question correctly and the other half of the question caught me off guard! ): The other two questions I felt like I was ranting because I was so familiar with it - which is a good sign because it shows I’ve acquired long-term knowledge from this subject rather having to prepare and rote memorise - so I couldn’t on the spot decide what to write and what not to in the short time frame, everything I wrote was kinda all over the place!!

Say, one of the topics I've chosen to write on was on China-Japan economic relations from a historical perspective – and I was sitting there thinking, how far back in history should I start talking about (It’s a commerce subject but I’m a history student!) So I decided to start writing from the 19th century Sino-Japanese war which I believed was when tensions really brewed out of place since after the Japanese lost, the Chinese had to give an insane amount of reparations to Japan which enabled Japan to build her aggression weapons for WWII! Then I realise oh-uh, which means I must then talk about the Manchuria invasion for Soya Beans in 1930s and then Japanese lost the Pacific war and signing the Military-Alliance with US and China chose to isolate from Japan in the 1950s until Japan became an economic powerhouse between 70s-80s that Japan became her biggest trading partner? As quickly as that happened, the Japan’s bubble burst in the 1990s and China became the one who has to aid Japan through her recession.. And as it stands now, China has suddenly been able to leapfrog Japan in R&D and has entered WTO and is heavily investing in her military for reasons unknown! Then Koizumi still had to pay his visit to the Yasukuni Shrine this year which blew up China-Japan debate again.. Then there is the upcoming Beijing Olympics in 2008. -.-

Man..sometimes the less you know, it can be more! I PRAY FOR (MORE) GRACE! ha ha. I’m so greedy. But I think I will fail one of my essay which was really a try-hard effort because I spotted half the question right and I definitely sounded very desperate to have what I’ve prepared to fit the whole question. Anyhow I realised after this semester that I really have an intriguing interest in Asian economies, the development of the East Asian tigers in particular has kept me very captivated! Actually my secret long-term career goal is to become a financial journalist with Wall Street Journal, Fortune and the like or with the media is fun too (specialising in writing insight articles on international management and economic relations and political economies and hence predicting trends) That is my primary motivation for going into management consulting, to get exposure to a wide variety of industries which will sharpen my own insights first and it helps a lot having a reputable consulting firm credentials as backing I would imagine!

OHYA! Remember I was just ranting yesterday about thinking of doing a double Arts/Comm degree? Well, God responded very quickly. Apparently, my exchange to Nottingham, the subjects I've chosen (mainly on China, EU and Asia management and political economies) are offered by the Business School which will be the faculty responsible for me over there. So when I go over to Notts, I would be finishing off my final semester as an Arts student in the Business School!

God is cool!

Working in an office is inherently depressing! (I think my seat by the window does makes it alot worse! My sunshine feels so near yet so far..) If I do tell you in future that I have landed myself a nineTOfive (stuckinthe)office job slash career please knock some jan-sense into my head immediately! Oh do the same if I tell you I'm becoming an Academic.. As far as my passion for continual learning slash studying is concern, yours truly do not (and will never!) fit in nicely with the typical Academic personality profile. Then again maybe it is just in the field of scientific research.. I've got hardly any memories of my psych academics but I'm very well-acquainted with my History and AsianStudies academics.. I don't think I have very high tolerance for anal people maybe?? Of which I often equate Sciency people to, oops! I very much prefer to think of things in possibilities and perspectives than always hunting for staunch absolutes. My personal theory is that Science in the end still proves nothing (Go arts!) because one can almost never run away from limitations no matter how controlled an experiment is, whilst all you can really do is to minimise the effects of the limiting agents but that still doesn't render 100% confidence, which frustrates me I suppose -- after all that draining effort to strive towards being totally meticulous and conscientious in 'controlling' limiting agents and still will never able attain a 100% regardless!

What is frustrating me about the current research I am doing is how uncontrolled the experiment was conducted which naturally robs my confidence in the reliability of the work I'm engaged in and eventually the paper that will be published. In my vague stint as a Psych student, my favourite part in lab report writing is the DISCUSSION section because I love RANTING about the endless limitations involve which explains why I have never gotten a H1 for my Psych report HA HA (H2A was my best and that was only 2 reports in first year!!) because more often than not my reports have been highly pessimistic with my lively and lengthy limitations which often end up questioning rather than supporting former researchers and of the very nature of Psych itself! Which makes sense why I sweep H1s and H2As in my History and Asian Studies essays because what people enjoy hearing is about YOUR views (call me narcissistic) and the WHYNOTs and how they CREATE possibilities that open up NEW perspectives! It explains also why I'm not a big fan of being results-oriented but I'm driven by insights and possibilities; I don't think there is a 'technical' end-point to most things so the nature of 'results' itself is inherently meaningless.

People get perplex how I can score straight ace in Maths and Arts subjects and do the very opposite for the Sciences (O Levels is a complete fallacy, the only reason why I scored A2 for Chemistry which I have never gotten beyond a C was because I swallowed my Chem textbook one month before the paper!!) well, usually you are either a 'Science' or 'Arts' person with Maths falling under the 'Science' domain -- which I disagree! Numbers appeal to me very much! I think if anything absolute ever exist, Maths come closest to being so, while Science just ATTEMPTS to use Maths to make itself APPEAR absolute (i.e. through STATS!) Maybe people pursing advance Maths at Uni might disagree but to me 1 plus 1 will always equal to 2 from whichever angle I look at it! I think Maths and Arts are on extreme ends while Science is a (relatively futile) attempt to integrate both?? Ok tying back to my initial point of this lengthy post is that I'm very please that I did not end up with a Sciency degree, otherwise, I will be grieved for the rest of my life in a Sciency career and will be disputing with my anal supervisors and the like 24/7! I'm still very tempted to take on a double in Comm/Arts though, but then that means my soontocome graduation will be postpone indefinitely?? Ha Ha! Think about that later, exams will be over next Monday for me, yay! Mental Note: I can not date a Sciency-person too! Comm or Arts can apply. HA!

Yay my favourite lecturer won a Carrick Award! I was one of the thirty students whom he approached to write a reference for him!! Glad it paid off! (:

If anyone is looking for summer subject, I greatly recommend his Total War subject which is running this summer! (:

Its very nice to see my lecturer winning the prestigious Carrick Award! Also, the professor I'm working for recently had her article published in the prestigious American Psychology Journal! And, the cafe I'm working at is growing exponentially this year -- I've received THREE payrise just this year! (:

you are there every morning when I wake up and never failing to give me a morning kiss!

you are veryvery strong and can really protect me! I feel veryvery safe even at the dodgiest places!

you stand up for me and fight for me when people are against me because you believe in me with all your heart!

you are my security and I can always run to you! Because of that I have been ever confident to dream big and conquer the world!

you never break your promises! And always giving more than you have promised!

you love me for who I am and I can be absolutely myself when I'm with you!

you always make time for me even though you are so busy and wanted! But when we are on our dates, you switch your phone off even though so many people could be calling you, because you want to give me your fullest attention!

you patiently listen to me whine, complain and procrastinate and gives the bestest hugs whenever I'm feeling blue!

you tolerate my immaturity and are ever patient whenever I give you the coldturkey or forget to contact you ):

you speak in the chirpiest voice whenever I call you, it makes me feel like you've been dying to hear my voice!

you think of me superalot! Making me feel ontopoftheworld! (:

you give me the bestest and most ingenious advice when I don't know what to do and always guides me to make the bestest decisions!

you are full of grace, always forgive AND forget, not bearing grudges or remember the yuckthings I've done and who I was before we met.

you sing not only to my ears but right into my heart captivating my soul!

you inspire me and teach me to be wise! When I do something wrong, you scold me gently and nicely because I know you want the best for me.

you go shopping with me and you genuinely enjoy it! (which is why I neverminded going shopping 'alone' if you know what I mean!)

you surprise and spoil me with gifts all the time! In fact, you always know what I want even before I tell you about it - you know my heart too well!

you are my sunshine that gives me endless energy and supernatural strength!

you are very funny!! Wicked sense of humour! Makes me uber joyful!

you call me the apple of your eye, your favourite, and always reminding me how I'm beautiful and I'm your princess!

you love my best friends! And even encourage me to spend time with them which show how non-possessive you are!

you love my parents too! Providing for them eversince we met!

you are very exciting and thus make my everyday so! How you always appear when I least expect you to and take me to places I've never been!

And above all,

you love me more than I love you,
which you don't (and never will) mind at all.

KKK won!! I wonder how CCM would feel tho, I mean, he is the usual partner for KKK but now KKK's virgin partnership with TBS clinched gold at AsianGames (goes to show how versatile KKK is really -- I always believe that the hallmark of a truly good doubles player is the ability to partner ANYONE, of which I'm not during my competitive stint! Ha ha because all the medals I've won are with a fixed partner each year, its the 'chemistry-theory' that works for me, hurhur) The year playing with Zenn was the fun-nest even tho I vaguely remember it being high tension too but I think our equal level of competitiveness made me very comfy playing with her nonetheless!

And my beloved pool thrashed Fulham FOUR-NIL! I hope Liverpool clinch third place in the League this season and if they make it to the ChampionsLeague Finals again, I will definitely fly to Russia (or is it Greece) to watch!! (((: LACRETIALOKE when are we going to kiss the grass at Anfield together!?

I've finally bought myself my twentyfirst birthday gift just in time before the year comes to an end! See I am so busy and muddleheaded that I've no time slash repeatedly forgotten to commemorate this special year properly! With only 3 weeks to the end of the year, there is no way I will actually get down to organising a twentyfirst which I've been errr postponing since I turned 21 during February ohhowtragic ha ha Maybe I will do a twentyfirst PLUS one instead! A big IF I find time to that is. I SUPERNEED A PA! (: To apply please email vintageplayATgmailDOTcom, thankyouverymuch! Anyway I'm very happy with my goodbuy, a wicked fortypercentdiscount which is a threefiguresaving! I txted Mel jie immediately after my goodbuy, she must find me really cute I think..she has clinched a job at Chanel over the summer break, just shows how 'knowledgeable' she is about women's fashion man! She is really my "shifu" in all I need to know about stepping into the 'woman's world'!

Ok NEED TO STUDY!! My exams are not "technically" over yet!! If you are my prayingpartner, jan needs powerpacprayer tonight, thankyou! (:

Gmail is doowwnnn, I'm frustrated because I'm tired and I want to sleep but! (Mental note: wherever I'm to stay in UK, I must make sure that it is VERY accessible to my Church so there is no EXCUSE to not be able to make it for Church and if I want to invite someone to Church I will just invite them to stayover for the night before Church!)

Never until I started working full time did I realise how much I love to SLEEP! Man, how did I actually survived on fourhourssleep for at least a quarter of my life?? Tho when I was a baby slash toddler, I was nicknamed a sleepyhead for being able to fall asleep almost instantaneously everywhere my family goes, seriously, I would have no problem adapting to a new slash unfamiliar bedroom or bed, I can sleep standing up, sitting down, any position! I've been conditioned as a missionary kid it seems! And I hope I land myself a kid as convenient as I was (:

Yay Taufik won, not that I'm a big fan of him, but I think vis-a-vis LinDan, I prefer Taufik and he's a bad boy turn good so I like. I hope KKK wins for Msia later, he is super talented, like how TonyGunawan was for Indonesia back then. And you know KKK has the super paikia look that I used to dig in the days of my youth (ha ha! Which explains why I actually went out BRIEFLY with A back when I was foolishlyfourteen! 0hmytian! Its one of those 'history' you would wish to erase from your past!) Anyway I think I first saw KKK when he came down to Singapore for one of the Nat Juniors and he was partnering OngSoonHock back then, who was the stronger player, I wonder what happened to Ong actually. Anyhoo he's partnering Alex's World Juniors partner for this tournament, the world is tiny.

Today was interesting. I had a conversation with an OCF brother about the prospects of falling and walking away (from God) upon graduating (whether returning home or not), especially since I've been thinking about it much with my UK prospects in about 3 months!! He was mostly encouraging, as how he usually is, so I left the conversation feeling quite good about it because he was saying how he thinks God loves us too much to "let us go" just like this! Just a few hours later I met another former OCF brother who is now working FT in Melbourne, he told me almost blatantly that he had "chosen to backslide" which made my heart grieved because we were once serving in the same ministry too (tho he had to remind me of that, my OCF memories are very hasty tho great!) Well..It just reaffirmed me all over again that it is really all about Choice, mine.

And Geeemaiiilll is still not up!!! -_-

Edit @ 3:04am IT IS WORKING NOW!!! -_- Bed is whining at me already!

I realised I don't like taking photos very much! Either that or, I'm just plain lazy. Perhaps the teenage days of neoprintcraze has robbed away any enthusiasm I ought to have of camwhoring now at twentyone (turningtwentytwo)! I can still ohsovividly remember the secondary school days when Vic and myself conquered the neoprints machines at Heerens after school almost everyday! There was once we shamelessly took and retook 20 over times because the machine went cranky and allowed us to keep taking for free! That was the very day and point-in-time the birth of our 'best sisters, partners and friends' slogan which is at the crux of our friendship! Then there was the period with Xue and Mich during SecTwo when we'd conquer J8's neoprint stands! It became a mode of expression in itself. The fanciful borders aside, I would remember many times we had captions that cursed at our teachers or [insert name of a friend-turned-biatch]. Otherwise, it would just be an outward tongue-in-cheek display of our angsty mood, one caption I had with Xue which is deeply ingrained in my (usually poor) memory is 'nucking futs'.

Whether it was an attempt to squeeze herds of people into that tiny frame or the race against the on screen timer with the multi-frame automatic shots mode, neoprinting is (arguably) a fun and healthy hobby that burns a student's pocket! As with most trends that hit Singapore like a tidal wave, neoprinting illuminated at least one facet of growing up in Singapore. I daresay almost every other Singapore teenage girl then would have a neoprint album or booklet bought specially to display their award winning smiles! Otherwise, you just stick them all over your organiser or file. The trend also included exchanging of friends' neoprints which is quite baffling if you ask me now but I suspect it was perhaps in the name of yet another popularity contest. If you get hold of a high-profile person's neoprint, you are awarded an additional 10 points, double that if you manage to take a neoprint with that high-profile person. When popularity either feeds or eats up your self-esteem, it doesn't surprise me why most of us Singaporean-made girls grow up with insecurity as our middlename. Not forgetting also the ceremonious thing every teenage couple would do on their first date was...to take a neoprint together! Even with friends, almost every outing would be commemorated by (at least) one neoprint!

In fact, yours truly started neoprinting since I was twelve (that was 1997, the neoprint wave hit Singapore in around 1999) with my primaryschoolbestfriend SCM at Daimaru (where we used to call our 'lao di fang' but is no longer in existence today) and also with my huiguan gang LKY, LLT and LRX after rehersals during our performance period! I peak young okay. BUT NOW?? Even with mybestfriends, I don't have anything recent and decent with them since 2542752 years! I should take more pictures with thebestfriend K before I leave Melbourne for good! I think we have only a couple of decent photos together, how tragic is that!? And the next time I visit Singapore, I should go camwhoring with Vic, its been ages since we camwhore! HA HA! Oh I'm visiting Renny in Surabaya this January (enroute to Cambodia!) and she has organised for us to go for a makeover and photoshoot session..! I remember her saying how her mum was very surprised that we have NO photos taken with each other during our two years as housemates! Its not like we hate each other or anything of that sort butbut we only have ONE photo together which was taken on her graduation ie. last day in Melb! -.-! SO we are going to make up for that when I'm in Surabaya! How fun! (:

The opportunities I receive (and have received especially of late) leave me veryveryhumbled especially with my less than pretty looking transcript..! Somewhere deepdown inside I know I have it but it is realistic to say that it is firstandforemost how you dress up the paper(s). In relative terms, I don't think my CV is less than impressive so it has many times compensated for my H1-deprived academic transcript. Yet, I know that I have never been one that has gone hunting for X experience or run for Y position or apply for Z award just to beautify my CV, seriously, I'm too indifferent. All that I spend my awake hours on, I spend them on things I'm passionate about. I don't do things that I have no genuine interest in even if it means a ridiculously prestigious opportunity, experience or pay. If I don't like it, I don't do it. Which explains why I'm still quite adamant on applying to only one consulting firm instead of mass applying for graduate positions even as I am far from absolute confident in securing a position there! I just ain't keen to apply to anywhere else unless I am equally confident that it is (non-negotiably) aligned with my ultimate destiny!

It has since dawned upon me that opportunities have swung my way because the CV is relatively prettily dressed though far from intentional, but accidental Godcidental!! People have asked how did I get to do this or know that person etcetera and in all honesty, of every(pretty)thing on the CV, none was deliberate but they have almost all just happened. Right place, right time. Divine appointments. I know it can only be architectured by a sovereign King! I'm learning to fully embrace Jeremiahtwentynineeleven and matthewsixthirtythree. And its about my Character over my Circumstance! So even in the midst of a chaotic end to 2006 and in spite of my imperfection, a surreal opportunity has knocked on the door, okay actually I nearly fainted..!!! His power is indeed made perfect in my weaknesses! Well, nothing is finalised as yet but the progress is looking great, by Feb next year all should be clear so stay tuned..!